The Great Weight Of The World

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THE FIX

There are things we feel we need to fix. Things so wrong that they don’t only hurt superficially. They go deep. They shove themselves into your skin and tear it apart only to dive even deeper into you. They simply need to be better. Because what if they won’t?
What if they won’t?
What if the rain stops stopping. Never ending rain for as long as you will remember. It runs the news for the first two months nonstop. Maybe after three days we hear the first time about it. But what happens after we notice? Can we swim long enough when the water passes our chest?

THE GREAT WEIGHT OF THE WORLD

And then there are the non-personal things that we’re faced with. The crisis of the worlds. The dry heat, the war, the racism. The unsaid words that need to be said. Bombing prisons, targeting them all. That’s no war. You know what it is.
But you don’t know their pain. Hell, I don’t know it. Don’t know how it is to call it normal. I know how it makes me feel. How my wife’s feeling. Sometimes I can only guess the great weight.
It stares at us like a broken frame that’s older than the picture it surrounds. The picture? Where to even start. If the frame is broken, the picture’s lost. There is no hope. It’s not really colorful, is it? Looks pretty grey to me.
12 year olds stabbed in malls because they’re darker. Look for the good things!
No one tells you how – and the advice? Don’t consume too much news. Take breaks for your mental health.
Fuck me.
Pretend?
No, this place is grey – there is only color in nature; here only sometimes, rarely. In the brutality of lawlessness, well nature’s law, that’s where we find the color. Unreflected beings just being beings. Do they suffer, do they die? Yeah. At least they don’t watch themselves do it. Am I a bad cat? Can I fight my inner kitty?
We can and we can’t. We can or we won’t.
Half men – full beasts.
I’m beginning to spiral, to keep turning around on the same spot I have been turning for years. With zero hope and trust in humans, maybe in four. I’m scared to die and can’t wait to be out of here. Can I be associated with this? Well – there is nothing else.
War is never over.